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09 October 2010 @ 05:26 pm
Title: delusion.
Pairings: Kaoru/Toshiya
Rating: G
Summary: You're stuck with me, you know about that don't you? As I am stuck to you, to any of you.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
Comments: Yaaaaaaaaay. Yeah, I'm bored... and I write drabbles, because I have no life. xD
Ehm, this time is a Kaoru's POV and I don't think this one even has plot -___- it's more like... dunno random thoughts?

As always sorry for my sucky grammar and kinda lame fic.
comments are appreciated!! Help me to improve!!

I love you dearly, you know?

Well... I don't know, you probably don't know, because I was always too stubborn and afraid to let any feeling I had inside my head, inside my heart and let it spill to you. It wasn't only being afraid of rejection, of my heart being ripped off my chest with a simple negation from you but it was also some kind of mental blocking, of 'no no' association; like everytime I thought of you and then of me, there was no way there could be an 'and' in between.

You're so fuckin' awesome, much more you can notice with that silly smile of yours and that shrug of shoulders like nothing is really serious, but you are; it's not the fact that you're incredibly tall and have those wonderful legs any girl can be jealous of, it's about... your presence, I still don't get how you do it, but you're the only person who can probably enter in the classiest pub on earth wearing sweatpants and old tshirt, just because is you, and just because you make that look like a designer piece. You don't notice but when you step on stage, everything else seems like.. shades of grey: even me who in stage I feel like a god, I can't stop looking at how amazing you are, how every move you make is perfect and beautiful and how all the fans seem to enjoy it.

If only you could see me looking at you at those times.

Sometimes I think if I am not too cruel to myself, but I just like to say that I am realistic. I had always been a logic person, complicated but logic; I've always liked to choose the practical path even if it was the most difficult, harder or... not good for me one. That's why love wasn't really in my agenda for many time. A lot of misunderstandings, along with fights and dissapointments were the words that described my love and sexual life since I was a teenager since well, now. More bad than good moments, as sad as that may sound. First I thought that I was just aiming too high, HighSchool's princess, cool bandmate and then... you; but any relationship that my logical and practical mind approved didn't seem to work either, maybe relationships weren't made for me at all, I had my music and I had my bandmates which learned to get used to myself and my issues after a few years, but sometimes that didn't seem enough.

You're stuck with me, you know about that don't you? As I am stuck to you, to any of you.

We've been together for ten years and it still feels like yesterday that day I've seen you in that tiny, lousy stage; just a tall scrawny kid dressed in gothic, selfmade clothes who shined much more than everyone else in that terrible room; you were a fuckin' star surrounded by mediocrity. Since that time I looked at you and Kyo whispered to my ear 'He's the bassist I was talking you about' I knew that you were going to be stuck with me, that you along with me and the band, were going to make something big, bigger than anything else you could imagine. What I didn't knew.. didn't even imagine that day I grabbed your hand and decided not to let it go anymore is that you were going to grow into me that much, I didn't notice at first but one day I woke up and realized that life didn't seem to have the same sense without your smile, or your funny laugh.

Everytime I wake up I think that I don't mind if you love me or not, but I pray for being stuck with you at least for another ten years.
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