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09 October 2010 @ 04:46 pm
title: Angie
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Kaoru/Toshiya, Toshiya/OC
Rating: G
Comments: i'm just posting all the fics i wrote here so i could make a decent archive and have it all together♥

My eyes flickered and then i blinked, looking around, i sat up in a jump when i realized that i was in kaoru's room. Blinking slowly and trying to think, i remembered why i was in your room, half naked and with a huge headache, then i started to remember your kisses, your touches again, and i felt bad. The door was still closed so i thought that you still in the couch. How I was going to act to you? What I should say? or do? I stayed in your bed some minutes more just thinking how i was going to act to you. Finally i got up, dressed, opened the door and walking to the mainroom, and you were there, dressed with the same clothes, sitting on the couch and smoking, when you saw me, nothing was reflected in your eyes or in your expression. "good morning..."

I moved to the couch and sat on it, really far away from you "h...hi..." What I was going to do? I looked at you, you were staring blanky at the tv screen, seemed to be mind absent, and smoking like mad. You remembered.. i was sure you did... But how to tell it to you, how to say to you that i wanted, that i needed you next to me "K..kaoru.. about.. yesterday..."

Your reaction surprised me, you smiled gently and looked at me, giving a puff of your cig. "I think that we drank too much... I can't remember it exactly.. but i think that we just fell asleep...."

My eyes widened. You really didn't remember? I couldn't believe it, i am still not believing it. You used to drink so much, they were just a few beers, you... remembered.. you.. had to remember! But again, i hide myself. Looking up and smiling like the fool i am used to be, and giggled a bit. "I see ne.. I was just scared because i could make something stupid.. or whatever..."

You laughed faintly and shook your head "Not at all.. you just fell asleep.. You know you can't drink toshiya..."

I gave him a fake smile and leaned forward on the couch. I sighed and side-looked at you. 'When we became like this? When will you realize that you're the one who can make me feel alive? You just can't see that i am just pretending?! Noone can see it?! That i am just acting, always acting for not make you realize how i feel. But.. will you understand one day that you're the one can make me breath?!' My eyes became water and i looked down, i decided that the best was leave. "I.. i think i should leave..." and i got up from the couch quickly.

You blinked at me and nodded "As you want.. you can stay here if you want..." I Looked straight at your eyes, deeply; searching desperatly for something that could tell me that maybe, it wasn't over. Just a bit of hope, to make me believe that for a slight moment, we could be as we used to be before. But nothing was in your eyes, they were expresionless as always, i sighed lough and shook my head.

"I leave.. it's.... okay..." and i looked for my jacket, but before i left; i turned around and looked at you. "thanks... about yesterday....." and i smiled faintly, almost shyly.

I saw how you blinked. You knew for what I was being thankful, but you just pretended that I was being thankful for let me stay yesterday. "It's ok. i am glad that you're better now..."

I nodded to him and then turned around. When i left your house and I heard the closing sound. I felt like crying. I was sick of being like this, of left your house with the same sickness feeling. In front of your door i remembered when i used to leave your house with a cheekly smile on my face, when i didn't leave it, when i used to spend whole days there, even weeks. I choked into a sob, and leaned against the wall. Then I could hear a sound, scared that maybe could be you, that heard me and was walking to the door for check or whatever, I ran out. And didn't stop 'till i was in my bike, driving home.

When finally i arrived home, and tirely sat on the couch, lying on it. I tried to let my mind blank. But it didn't seem to work. As soon as i closed my eyes, images of us. Your lips kissing me, your hands caressing me, your eyes looking at me as they used to do. I was crying again, and i hated it. I blamed myself, because i was just a coward. I didn't have to guts to go to your house and yell at you everything i wanted to tell you. To request you. To cry to you. To make you promise that you wouldn't never leave me, that you'd hold me always. But it would never be as it used to be, wouldn't it? Abstenly, i walked to my room.

Lying on my bed i remembered why i went to your house yesterday. It was her fault. She, who made me feel stupid with all his cheat stuff, she was the only who mangled my mind and made me feel miserable. Because of her i was driving nowhere, looking for warmthness. Just because her i ended up in your house, crying like a spoiled brat and hugging you close. Was her fucking fault, but looking for the reason why ended with her, i almost laugh at myself. I was just jealous, and lonely. Because you left me, because you weren't with me. I felt empty and i finished running into her arms. I just ignored die's advices, that she was going to use me, that she wouldn't really like me. I didn't care, i was fallin'. I was breaking myself with false promises. I was lost without you. I needed something, someone, or I was going to destroy myself, and she just was there. In the right moment, at the right place. When i met her, I really thought that she was going to be the one who saved me. But she even destroyed me more. And just because her, i ended in the place i promised myself i would never been again. Your house. Your scent. Your embrace. You.

Even if i was trying to relax and sleep, my mind was still haunting me with the images of you. Your lips burning in my skin. "I want this to finish, i want to wake up one day and be as I used to. I am helpess, aren't I? I know it, and i can make nothing to help myself. I can't think straight, not without you...." At the moment that my mind was so weary to think more and to haunt me more, i fell asleep.
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