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15 April 2014 @ 09:16 pm
everybody wanna try to box me in (so don't do it, too) ; a kaoru/toshiya fanfiction  
Title: everybody wanna try to box me in (so don't do it, too)
Pairings: kaoru/toshiya
Rating: R? language, mentions of blowjobs, sex, a some drugs. toshiya has a foul mouth. sorry, not sorry
Words: 1.956
Summary: So we are back at Kaoru’s question, and his hardened eyes, as I keep looking at him with one of my smug grins, as I pass the pad of my thumb all over the smudged line of eyeliner underneath my eye. “I like it.”
Disclaimer: fiction, i don't own anything but the writing.
Comments: i needed to write something because i was going to rip my hair out.
i don't know i had this as an unfinished thing since forever ago.
i love the setting of high school buddies and toshiya/kyo being kind of soulmates and toshiya being this kind of sexy, untamed, giggly and adorable slut who has a very foul mouth and kaoru being all over into it.

this kind of suck, though.
i completely wrote it to myself anyway, but comments/receiving love are the best♡

pd: first line of the title comes from nicki minaj feat rihanna's fly.
queen nicki has been the perpetual bgm for this.

“Why do you do it?” He asks me and I see the smoke of his half burnt cigarette going up the air, an air which is foul and thick, with the scent of alcohol and cigarettes, and joints, and the smell of sex lingering around all the corners of the room. All of it feels like home, Kaoru’s eyes, my grin and the scents wrapping us like a cocoon.

I guess, more like I know that he’s asking about my, how do you say this for making it sound more decent than it actually is? A tendency? Tendency is it. To have sex casually, and often, with whoever is actually available, if I want them. I shrug, and I smile, looking at him with a tilt of his head. It has never been easy, answering to that question. People always wonder, and it’s not often when I answer them. But I like Kaoru, he’s a cool guy somehow wrapped in an uptight and cool attitude which isn’t exactly real. He’s not a friend, but he’s somehow I’m cool being with. And that doesn’t happen often.

You see, I met Kaoru through Kyo, and Kyo… is just Kyo.

I’ve met Kyo one day in the middle of April, when we were both skipping classes, a few weeks after my birthday, a rare cold day in the garage of Die’s house, a common friend, about a year, or so, ago. I was slightly stoned (okay, more likely I was completely out of my fucking mind), my body limp and boneless against one of the battered Die’s couches, and Kyo was in front of me, sitting on the floor with a non-lighted cigarette hanging between his lips and a can of beer in his hand, tangled in a vivid conversation with a French exchange student about some guy called Heidegger and another one called Husserl, babbling excitedly about things such as phenomenology and the importance of being and the heaviness of the pass of time, and I just thought he was basically a really, really cool guy, even if it took me forever to realize those Heidegger and Husserl weren’t friends of him or anything to start with.

Kyo is strange, strange in the most amazing meaning of the term. A guy who can talk about French damned poets of the end of the XIX century and some crazy philosophical shit you can’t even wrap your mind around, and a minute later he could crack in laughter about a porn video he found surfing the internet last night before jacking off.

We hit pretty quickly, like we were in the same level, our minds just clicking as if they were pieces of a puzzle, even if I didn’t know anything about German philosophy, even if Kyo didn’t know anything about fashion. We were an item, soon.

It would be the biggest lie of the whole century if I said all my interest in Kyo was only into a platonic, intellectual sense, because it wasn’t. I really wanted to bone him, not only his mind, but his entire body while we were at it. I’ve tried, as well, a few times, but Kyo refused me in sweeter and kinder ways I would have never imaged him could do. At first I thought he was straight or something like that, but then I realized I just wasn’t his type, not that I minded much. We were still, we were still us. There are a lot of people I could sleep with on a daily basis, but none of them are Kyo. As long Kyo is still Kyo, then it’s cool.
And then, we arrive to Kaoru.

I’ve met Kaoru in the same garage I’ve met Kyo, because he brought him along one torrid summer night in the middle of August. Even if it was by night, the air in the steamed room was thick, and I was just wearing a tank top and some ridiculously tight and distressed skinny jeans, when I basically launched myself against Kyo’s body, giggling as I soundly kissed his cheek. He pushed me away with his palm blatantly pressed against my cheek as I kept giggling, and then I noticed the presence of Kaoru, wrapped in what it seemed too many clothes for how hot it was, all black drapes and gothic aura and long, too long, purple hair. He had really piercing eyes, but he was looking at me like I was a very weird animal, one of those birds with extravagant colours you blink at when you watch boring documentaries when TV gives nothing interesting.

As I stopped giggling, I looked at him with a tilt of my head, and a chuckle passed through my, slightly pouted, lips. “Aren’t you melting in those clothes? Honey, are you aware it’s August.”

Kyo actually shot me a glare, looking like he was about to slap my face again, before he looked at Kaoru with a sigh. “Sorry, this is Toshiya. He didn’t learn the meaning of the word ‘polite’ neither the meaning of the word ‘social customs’.” He said and then looked at me, with a roll of his eyes. “Can’t you fucking behave? This is Kaoru, he plays the guitar in a band, and he can wear whatever the fuck he wants. I’m going to say hi to Die.”

And that was it, Kyo fled and I was left with this kind of awkward, but really pretty, Kaoru guy, and just grinned at him, actually offering him one of my hands, filled with rings and with poorly painted nails and with a cut I’ve made as I’ve tried to cook curry with my mum a few weeks ago. “Nice to meet you, Kaoru who plays the guitar in a band. Your clothes are cool, if we were in December, though.”

I laughed like I had just made the greatest joke in the whole day and he just looked at me without showing any kind of reaction. Actually, he looked a little overwhelmed, and it was really cute, so what I did was getting him a beer, introducing him to the rest of the guys, and soon passing him one of the joints who were running through the fingers of the rest of us but he refused it with a small shook of his head, and a shy smile. And it was when I thought: Fuck, how adorable he actually is?

We talked a lot, actually, that night Kaoru and I. And I had noticed that I had more in common with him than I had with Kyo. The music, the fashion, the things we liked to do, it was too similar. I didn’t feel the same wave of completely understanding I felt with Kyo, but Kaoru was a pretty cool guy, too.

So we talked and talked and we were nicely drunk, and I even managed to convince him to give a few drags to a joint, and he coughed, not stopping until his eyes were watering and I was laughing doubled over me, the annoying sound of Die’s laugh resounding somewhere behind me as well. We started to inch closer to each other while the night kept passing by, and it was closer to early morning than late at night, and I knew he was looking at the flashes of creamy skin of my thighs eveytime I moved, through the cuts and the rips of my tight jeans. It made me only grin, because that kind of attention was the thing I fucking lived for.

When the sky was orangeish and red and the sun was starting to rise, everyone was passed out on the battered couches of Die’s garage and I’ve made Kaoru come inside the depth of my throat between helpless whines of my name.
(There’s nothing as powerful as that, actually.)


So we are back at Kaoru’s question, and his hardened eyes, as I keep looking at him with one of my smug grins, as I pass the pad of my thumb all over the smudged line of eyeliner underneath my eye. “I like it.”
I see him rolls his eyes, and somehow I can feel where this conversation is moving, and I don’t like it at all. “You’re talking about it like it’s kind of a game…” He says, playing with his lighter between his calloused fingers.

I laugh, shaking my head. Somehow, this is hilarious, and I’m looking at him like I am completely delighted. “Who didn’t say it’s not a game?” I ask back, and I feel like I am playing with fire, like we both are. But I also know that I am not the one getting burnt, but Kaoru is.

“This could be dangerous.” He states, looking at me as both of his elbows rest on his knees. His eyes are still dark, but they look almost pleading.

I snort at him, and look for my package of cigarettes from the pocket of my jeans, shaking my head in almost disbelief. “You’re too hairy for being my mum. Don’t fucking patronize me, Kaoru.”
He looks taken back by my words and he even flushes, and for a second it crosses my mind the fact he’s just so fucking cute and he’s mostly completely unaware of how fucking cute he actually fucking is. (Can you see my frustration here?)

“I’m not patronizing you, Toshiya! I am worried, because we’re friends. And friends worry.”

I snort again as I take a long drag from my cigarette, looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a tilt of my head. “Oh, really? You don’t really seem worried at all when I’ve got my lips around your cock, honey.”

He flushes again, but this time I can actually notice that he’s not ashamed but angry, and for a second I want to apologize about my words, but when I want to open my mouth, he’s getting up and looking at me with those hard eyes of his, his pupils dilates, his eyes too dark, beyond black. He looks so cold, so stoic and severe, and even if he doesn’t want to judge me, every fibre of his body is actually doing so.

Fuck, I really want to apologize.

“Do whatever the fuck you want.” He hisses, and then he walks away from me and I feel a little taken aback by what has just happened. Maybe I am a little ashamed, not about what I’ve said, or about what we were talking about, but mostly about the way Kaoru has just acted and talked to me.

Nothing seemed to change as Kyo sat down next to me and accursedly hissed at me about what the hell I told Kaoru. There are no secrets between Kyo and me actually, but I didn’t really feel about talking to him, so I kindly told him to go to fuck off. And he did, because Kyo knew and understood so well when I wasn’t in the mood for dealing with people at all, not even him. Especially not him, who could read me so well.

I kept chasing after him that night, even if he ignored completely every attempt I did. He brushed me away, and ignored my whines and my arms around his neck. I drank more than I was supposed to, and I definitely smoke too much weed until I almost felt like my limbs weren’t a part of my body anymore.

And when the sky was orangeish and red and the sun was starting to rise, everyone was passed out on the battered couches of Die’s garage once again; and someone came in the depth of my throat. But it wasn’t Kaoru. And for first time, I actually regretted it happened.

Jik Hyun: pic#108431593jikhyun on April 19th, 2014 12:16 pm (UTC)
poor toto chan.
breathplaying★aibashi on June 9th, 2014 10:47 am (UTC)
thanks for reading~
juste une noctambule: kaoru stacherheakurokawa on April 20th, 2014 11:27 am (UTC)
heh, we only learn the hard way.. man, it's been so long i actually read fic.. i had to laugh at husserl and heidegger.. nice references + philosophy ftw :)
breathplaying★: pic#101371739aibashi on June 9th, 2014 10:48 am (UTC)
it has been a long time since i wrote something anyway...
and hehe i was studying philosophy while writing this ^3^
houssanhoussan on November 18th, 2015 03:37 pm (UTC)
thank you for writing this, it's beautiful.
breathplaying★aibashi on November 18th, 2015 03:49 pm (UTC)
thank you so much for reading, i am glad you think so!