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12 September 2013 @ 12:06 am
dirt and glitter cover the floor; a kaoru/toshiya fanfiction  
Title: dirt and glitter cover the floor
Pairings: kaoruxtoshiya
Rating: G
Words: 1.782
Summary: Kyo has told me about him, before.
About Toshiya, that guy.

Disclaimer: fiction, i don't own anything but the writing.
Comments: this is not probably how kaoru and toshiya met but it just popped into my mind a few months ago.
i wrote some of it and then a little more and then i just finished it in five minutes.
i tried to change my writing style a little, and it's a kaoru's pov again... i don't even know why.

the title is a ke$ha's song because... i can't remember. i was probably listening to it and i liked it.

comments are loved. ♡

Kyo has told me about him, before.
About Toshiya, that guy.

(I’ve been friends with Kyo for long enough to know two things about him: one, that you never knew what he was up to, and two, that if someone perked his interest, then it’s definitely worth the effort.)
And that’s how Toshiya came to the equation.

Kyo talked with me about him a month ago, or so. Telling me how the guy was like a shining start in the middle of a shitty band, and that he deserved better. Well, he said that, but with another words. Because Kyo was like that, and he always had his way about things, about everything. He didn’t go on details on his appearance, not even he went on detail on his bass skills, his performance or his personality at all. But by the time he was done speaking, I was wondering why that Toshiya guy wasn’t a part of our band, about why we didn’t meet each other yet.

The opportunity showed up by itself, and it happened that we had a gig together with Toshiya’s band in a lousy venue with a bunch of indie bands in the middle of August, back in Tokyo. It wasn’t that much of money to start with, neither that much of reputation. But Kisaki was leaving and we were walking on this thin layer of ice, and Toshiya was our only chance, and Toshiya was there. So neither of us hesitated much, and we said yes.

When I met Toshiya, it was right after the concert, with his hair wet and his make-up almost ruined, messy with the pearls of sweat that adorned his forehead. Maybe I had created an image of him that wasn’t real, after what Kyo told me, but there was one thing I didn’t expect to happen, for sure.
Toshiya, he was such a shy guy.
What a contradiction, I thought.

Because, when he was on stage, he was like a hurricane which didn’t seem to care if he devastated anything that might come up to his way. He was pure energy, and maybe if his technique wasn’t the best out of there… He was powerful and enthralling and hypnotic. And it was so hard to believe someone who was the closest to a black panther with a bass guitar between his arms could act like an unsure girl, with Kyo, nevertheless. Toshiya looked happy, almost childish, and he was holding a long lighted cigarette with his lousy nail painted hands. He looked so mellow, and so calm, and so utterly shy when he sometimes looked down and avoided my vocalist’s eyes, and his free hand moved to his hair, tucking a sweaty lock of hair behind his pierced ears.

(Little I knew, back then, about this Toshiya guy. Little I knew about his energy and his shyness, and that amazing capacity he had of turning them on and off, like you switch your computer back at home. The years had taught me, and had shown me; that Toshiya was shy but at the same time, Toshiya was shameless. That he was untamed and wild when he was walking on a stage, but that he also could blush like a school girl at the smallest of the compliments.)
What a contradiction, and what a beauty.

I simply stood there, watching them talk like two old mates that reunited after a long trip and when he finally Kyo acknowledged me and introduced myself to him, I felt like all the air I was holding was sucked out of my body.

That guy.
What a fucking beauty.

My very first impression, it was that he was a very tall guy, really tall even without the high heeled boots he was still wearing. And I wanted to curse, because as he moved closer to me and he bowed and offered his callused hand to me as a greeting, he almost towered me, even if my own platform boots were massive compared to his. He nodded and smiled and even bowed. And I smiled and bowed and nodded too, and when he was about to do it again, I laughed and I pleaded him not to do it again.

After talking to him for a few minutes, I understood it so well.
Kyo’s interest.

He was so peculiar, so original.
Even his laugh was interesting, high pitched and ridiculous and terribly loud, and intoxicating, making you laugh even if he was laughing at a lame joke you’ve heard from Die a million times before and it was never funny, to start with.

Everything about him was unique.

His relaxing north accent and his crooked teeth. His bony hands and his endlessly long legs. His thick eyelashes and his sultry mouth.

His long hair and his skinny arms.

And I guess, I was just jealous, because even if he seemed to spend more time with our band, than his, or that anyone else’s, he didn’t seem to pay any attention to it. Even if I was trying to get him to look at me. So fucking pathetic, when you think about it, because I was basically peacock-ing myself in front of a guy I’ve just met, starved from his attention like a kid for their mother to look at them trying to ride their bikes.

But at least, we were talking and sometimes he looked at me and laughed, and when he was slightly drunk, his bony and long fingers circled around my forearms.

And I felt the happiest guy of the entire place.
As simply as that. (As pathetic as that.)

We talked and talked, and we laughed, but above everything, all we did during that night, was drinking. The shochu kept flowing like a never ending river, either in the form of shots or glasses or both. And at some point I didn’t know anymore who ordered the drinks, or who paid them for me, but I always had a glass full in my hand, and Toshiya had the prettiest shade of red adorning his cheeks, and he was laughing and giggling and the shyness kept disappearing from his body as the body shots started and he ended up in the middle of a laughing fit while he was trying to take a slice of lime from Die’s lips.

(And while I was in the corner of the room, burning with jealousy and thinking why it wasn’t me. Why Die. Why not me.
And I was feeling like an awkward and stupid teenager all night long.)


We saved the hotel room fare because we could stay over a house of a friend of Die. Well, that’s stretching it a bit too much. It was probably a friend, of a friend, of a friend. And it would be such a surprise for me if Die actually happened to remember the guy’s name. But it was a free roof for a night, and I wasn’t even going to complain.
It happened that Die’s friend, right, was also friends with some of the other guys too. And Toshiya’s band, along with another band that were from Hokkaido spent the night there, too. The house wasn’t that big to start with, so everyone ended up sharing small bedrooms and thin futons that seemed to be laying all over the floor.

And we were so drunk, and some were wasted and high beyond belief, that it wasn’t like we went to sleep right after. It was typical, I thought. When my glass of, what it was that time, vodka?, was completely empty and I walked to the kitchen and there was some guy kneeling in front of some other guy, receiving a very obnoxious blowjob between moans of pleasure that echoed through the entire room.
People started to disappear and soon the whole place seemed to be trembling with the sound of sex.
I was wasted, and surprise! I was alone, and even in my confused and dizzy mind I tried to look for the sight of Toshiya but I never found him. So alone, and desperate and completely pissed, I just crawled pathetically on the lousy futon of the room we had to sleep in, my ears filled with the sounds of the moans from everyone else but me.

Well, me, and Kyo, who was passed out on the floor, not even on a futon, next to me.
It took me forever to fall asleep, even if I was too drunk to function and my legs and my arms were pulsating at how exhausted every muscle of my body was. But I couldn’t stop thinking how any of those moans, belonged to Toshiya. And in my desperateness and my drunkenness and my Toshiya-obsessive state, I started to fantasize about him.

And it was so easy, it was almost as I could pity myself, but all these arousing and incredibly hot images started to pop up inside my head. I started to think about his ridiculously long legs wrapped around me, and his mouth opened into long and breathless gasps of my name. And I fantasized about how his skin might taste and how his kisses would be like and when I started to feel like all the blood in my body started to focus on a certain spot between my legs, I almost started crying.
And I felt like the most pathetic person on earth because I was in a very old room, on an equally old futon sporting a semi hard on next to my sleeping group mate thanks to a dude I had just met and that had shown slight to none interest to me.

And if when I managed to fall asleep, all I did was dreaming about all the things I could do to him, and all the things I would let him do to me, I didn’t remember when I woke up at the next day.

(Still now, literally almost a few decades after that night, it’s hard for me to say if it was one of the most amazing nights of my entire life, or one of the worst. Because indeed one of those moans belonged to Toshiya and at the next day, when we were all hangover and exhausted and cranky, all I could do was staring and the red and purple bruises he sported all over his neck.
And all I was thinking about, wishing about, so much that it was almost physically painful, it was that I wanted to be the one to give him some kind of bruises next, even if it took me years, like it was my new life mission.

And I’m still waiting for that chance.)
andrew_in_drag: pic#121530086andrew_in_drag on September 12th, 2013 10:45 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh, some Kaoru/Toshiya for me! This is my lucky day :D

I really liked this. I liked the tone of it (not sure if I would rate it g though, haha!); I liked how you kept the melancholic aspect of it nicely understated - that seemed very fitting for Kaoru. He seems like the kind of person who is very stoical and doesn't make a big drama out of things, even in the privacy of his own head. The temptation to make everything very dramatic is very great, so you did well to resist it and I think it really added a lot to the fic.

Can I say that I loved your Toshiya too? I think I've made no secret of the fact that I love young, cute, slightly debauched Toshiya. Kind of clumsy and gawky but just sooo alluring somehow, with such a...sexual ambiance, I guess! I don't really know how else to put it.

Anyway, that Toshiya is just perfect for me. Just oblivious and sweet and sexual all at once.

So I loved this! Loved the softness, the tenderness, loved the determination at the end! Good job, thanks :)
breathplaying★: pic#120792685aibashi on September 12th, 2013 11:57 pm (UTC)
a comment from you makes me so happy! ;A;

(and yes i realized later than some of the things here are not g-rated at all! lmao, i will change it)

yeah kaoru does really seem like that kind of person, right? not seemingly like he would let go and lose control and instead would cling to the rather logical part of his mind. i like to write things from his povs because i think i really like that.

i think it's nicely described that way!
i just love long haired, too skinny, slightly shy and crooked teeth toshiya so much! it's hard for me to write him looking anything else but that!

and thank you thank you!!!!
your words really make me happy and motivated.
gAbbYgabbyrockzz on August 15th, 2014 12:32 am (UTC)
Aww poor Kaoru never got his chance and still waiting forever. sigh (T_T)
I really liked this <3
breathplaying★: pic#102289298aibashi on August 18th, 2014 12:43 pm (UTC)
i am glad you did! thank you for commenting!!